Well, first, shout-out to the Biggie song in my title. Not at all what this post is about, but I will admit I love the song and even choreographed a dance to it back in 8th grade with a bunch of friends. Great times.
Anyway, as autumn comes and the seasons begin to change, I find myself itching for a change myself. This weekend, acting on this urge for change, I decided to dye my hair. Was there any real reason to do this? No, not really. But, I was bored.
As I’ve started to think about what I want to work on this semester, beyond school of course, I’ve decided that instead of changing something, I want to work on being content without change. Honestly, I’ve always been an antsy person. If I’m not dying my hair, I’m chopping it off, or buying new clothes to achieve a certain “look”, or deciding to change my major for the 8th time, or aiming to learn another language or instrument that I inevitably give up on within a month or two. I never just sit and enjoy what’s going on in the present. Instead, I need to shake it up. This urge has clearly manifested itself in my appearance, but it also spreads much further into my relationships—particularly with boyfriends. The only long-term relationship I ever had lasted as long as it did because we were constantly breaking up and getting back together. And when people ask why I transferred colleges, “Did you dislike where you were? Was it too far away?” No. The only answer I can come up with is, “I was bored.” Change. I wish I could pin-point where this desire comes from, but right now, instead of delving into WHY I do these things, I’m instead going to try to wake up each day and just enjoy where I’m at, because truthfully, for the first time in a very long time, I’m at a great place. I’m not going to decide I need to learn French so that I can move to Paris after college. I’m not going to decide to become a hard-core yogi to change my body. I’m not going to decide I should be a Buddhist because I need a spiritual presence in my life. I’m going to simply enjoy being me because, right now, me is a really good person to be.
Anyway, that was a bit of a rant, but does anyone else suffer from the constant need for change? I know so many people resist it, never wanting to change their way of thinking, or even their hair, yet I’m at the absolute opposite end of the spectrum. I think change can be good, it can be great, but it’s not something that should be constantly pushed. Instead of coming up with something to change, or something you’re unhappy with, I think everyone should spend a little time this long weekend thinking about something they love in their lives right now.
Hope everyone enjoys the long weekend 🙂